Portland Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger

Oct 22, 2017

One Year. | The Selfish Year

One year ago I started working at a new job in a new city. To be completely honest I have no clue how I am doing this. I moved here with 2 suit cases, redesigned an entire one bedroom 1 bathroom apartment on a dime, gotten a promotion, and am making it through one of the hardest but most rewarding years of my life.

I'm going to spare the long winded reflection. Here are 5 truths and things I have learned so far:

1) People want to see you do well, but never better than them. Take that for what you will.

2) I took some time away from my blog to level set. There are a few things I want to do but I feel like a gazelle in Africa. Every morning the gazelle wakes up and runs. She runs because she knows the lions are chasing her. She runs from the moment she awakes to survive. I have been a gazelle.  Because I have been a gazelle I have broken a few barriers In just a year. From networking, learning and making some silent moves, and also getting a promotion at work... I have been a gazelle. BUT, this gazelle is running into a new chapter of blogging. Malibumara has been a hobby that never got 100% of my attention for almost 10 years now. I think its time to give my side projects 100%.

3) Just because you fit in somewhere, doesn't mean you belong there.

4) Guess what? I don't love Portland. I love my job, and every day I find parts of Portland beautiful. I like Portland, but I don't love it. Someone told me its hard to be humble when you're from Texas and its true. I am from the H, the city that is resilient, DIVERSE, and made of hustlers. Portland is not diverse and that is truly the one thing that makes me not like it. That doesn't mean there aren't good people here! There are wonderful people in this city. I admit this truth because not everyone moves across the job and immediately falls in love with the city they're in. Its hard to go from just a large city full of different hustlers from everywhere to a smaller city that feels like a small town. I'm not going anywhere though. I'll keep running until I can't.

5) I don't know what's next. I was asked this in a meeting recently... Something about what I am looking forward to in 2018. I deflected as much as I could to say... I don't know. A year ago I didn't imagine being here, but in a short time I am meeting great people, learning a lot, and being trusted by my superiors with more responsibility. It hasn't been easy, and it has been really selfish, but in that same breath it has been very rewarding.

I don't use the word selfish in a bad way. It has been a year of personal growth. Just me trying to adult on my own, away from my family, stability, boyfriend, dog. Anything that made me feel safe or comfortable. When I say I don't get how I am doing it, I really mean I don't know. I do know, that I am learning and making little waves. I don't know if 2018 will be anything amazing, but if I work as hard as I want for a few of the things I am imagining accomplishing... I its going to be good. My problem has always been I have lacked confidence but this year I have been throwing things at walls and watching them stick.

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